J to the ordan

Writing in this thing anymore is about as fulfilling as my current job. Read: not fulfilling. I am currently hiding out from my ever-exciting job as dish washer/lab aide to update an online blog (ugh, I hate that word) that I doubt anybody reads anymore. Where are the Catmoes of the world? The Tim Whites ranting about Brandeis and rubber-neck drivers? Gone with the simultaneous freedom/constraint of McGloin Hall and Mama Cass.
I don't want to speak for any of my peers, although I would love DBK's power of attorney, but is anybody else feeling the age? I'm talking about small things like an inability to run 6 miles without your knee bothering you just a little bit. I wonder when Michael Jordan first felt that kind of thing (at least he has 6 championships to show for it). I'm talking about going to a party and realizing the majority of the people attending have only a vague memory of the original Nintendo, not to mention Atari. All that aside, getting old really doesn't bother me THAT much, it's just that I'm starting to stand up and take notice.
Why move back to Omaha, you might ask. Why, indeed? I give the standard "ah, it's where med. school is" and "well, internship was over, etc."...and both of these are true. But more to the point I feel like moving back was representative of my life. I was leaving something for a short while for an opportunity that wasn't really there. In less cryptic terms: I really enjoyed my internship down in Tucson. I loved the people I met and lived with...Alex, Lee, holla. But really my life is in the Midwest. I feel like that makes me pretty boring, and I've come to terms with the fact that I am not all that exciting of an individual.
I can crack a joke every once in awhile and I have a handful of people that appreciate my company, but really I don't have the stones to take off and move to another country or change careers...not that my career is set in stone at the moment but I feel like medical school is definitive for me anymore. More to the point, I hate the feeling of being "the average pre-med that only cares for GPA, interviews, and the two initials." I can stand being a little boring, but being a tool is unacceptable.
I care about so few things anymore. Really my future career, my good friends (that handful), and the girl with whom I am currently in crush (term?). The latter is another uninteresting story for another day. When did I become so uninteresting? Was I always this way? How do I return to my former personality, or rather to my former self-image of interesting dude? Stifling environment breeds a stifled individual.
I don't believe I have the hutspah to take off and move to another country just yet, but I do believe another land (however long I was there) would do me more good than another five months here. On that note, of course I wouldn't leave Omaha for good, I simply feel as if I owe it to myself to visit new lands while I have the time (despite the absence of monies).
I'd like to move to Mississippi and fall in love with a girl from a small town that will entertain my ridiculous ideas and travel with me. Maybe I should visit Daven in Hawaii, as well. Would anyone be interested (as if anyone will respond)?

I return to O-Town with a greater appreciation for my friends and family than before. Must one leave that which he loves to truly understand what he possesses? What a ball of cheese. I love the midwest. I love the people, I love leaving the superficiality of the southwest (no offense to anybody currently there), I miss the gorgeous scenery and the few good friends I did leave behind, though. I have returned to find that a great deal of individuals I left are now gone themselves. I have likewise stumbled into an awkward situation with a girl-friend of two years and am now at a frustrating impass. I feel like this will continue until one of us pulls a drunk make-out with somebody else and it will solidify to friendship. I don't really want that at the moment though, as in the last two weeks I have realized how much I am absolutely into this girl and that my wasted heart is, indeed, her's. I love my new roommates and really don't like my job, but I shall continue to pursue alternative careers until my interviews in October and potential medical school life in 8 months time. Does anybody know of some sweet, high-paying jobs so I can stop this crap ASAP?

I apologize to everybody that I talked to last night. I declare I probably did not mean to let any of what I said slip, and I doubt anybody who reads this thing falls into said category. I ended up talking to a lot of people I haven't seen for months and it was fantastic. I should not have enjoyed 4 liters of nectar, even if I do have the sweetest mug in the land to show for it.

I need some good ideas for Halloween costumes. I was thinking Artie from Pete & Pete but who knows how that will go down as the spandex is difficult to achieve. At least in that color. Does anybody have any other suggestions? I was also thinking about Magnum, P.I. but I would need somebody to dress as Higgins. Also I hear tell of a few great parties but will anybody come up to Omaha for this? Dave, I'm looking in your direction. Anyhoo, I have my friest interview on October 27th but most of my stuff hasn't been submitted or anything as of yet (that is secondaries have yet to be confirmed with letters of recommendation).

On a final note I'm thinking of reinstituting a movie night on Mondays. How about the Star Wars trilogy or Shaft? Everybody should let me know.

It's been awhile, my dear friends. Each time I come to this page I have a grand vision of a page-long entry, but it often ends with me closing the window in reluctancy to share my adventures and leaving to stealthily destroy Trenton's game of Oblivion. I quit my internship about two days ago. I grew sick of being treated as a lab aide, though no fault of the graduate students, left in the dark with most experiments and protocol. On the note of future I discovered that, because I am not an Arizona resident, I cannot apply to the University of Arizona Medical School (not that I probably would at this point). Fro'get it...this place is so freaking backwards in ways that I cannot explain, nor do I desire to explain. As of now I am working at a hospital on the other side of town about 40 hours a week and applying for jobs back in O-Town.

You heard me, folks. I am planning a triumphant return to Omaha as this place generally sucks and there is nothing of interest for me out here. Honestly, because I have not had much of a life between laboratory work and hospital employment I haven't met many people. Trenton, while a decent guy and roommate, is a bit of a loner and I am often left writing my applications and screwing around on YouTube. Or to a lesser extent screwing around on my wife. The guilt is getting to me. I plan to return mid to late-August and reside with Rachel McKenny and Katie Bradley...which means an ass-load of fun and good food for all of you that leech off of friends (that means YOU, Deebs).

I make this place sound awful, though, and that is not my intent. Really, it's a nice change and the few people I've met have been some really decent guys/gals in my time here. I feel like you can find good people in any city (save Missouri...no good people live there) and this is certainly no exception. The difference between this place and most other places in the Midwest is that girls here are EXTREMELY superficial and won't talk to you unless you're rolling a Beamer or some car of equal value. I suppose it's more of a West-Coast thing than just Tucson.

On a totally unrelated note did anybody else feel confused and a bit torn at the new PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN? I just watched it last night and walked out feeling simultaneously satisfied and bothered by the final 15-20 minutes. But that aside...did anybody who saw PIRATES see the new trailer for the live-action TRANSFORMERS movie? When I saw it I lept out of my chair, broke the necks of three girls, and soiled myself five times. That movie is going to kick so much ass I declare I will flip at least 20 minutes of shit for each new trailer.

On a final note, right before I left for Tucson I met this very rad girl named Margo at some Irish bar on the Plaza. Since our introduction roughly two months ago we have been emailing each other constantly and a sort of unspoken vibe has been established. Margo, unfortunately, lives in Miami and thus our paths are destined to remain thousands of miles apart (save for respective trips to KC in which reunions are anticipated). That whole irony thing is really frustrating, I guess is my point. Does anybody feel me on that?

I wish I had more to say, but honestly I'm so beat with pulling double shifts that I can't think all that clearly. I'm going to buy some peaches and coffee and work on my application essay. Anyone that wants to read it I would love to share...seriously, I need the input of people to see where to go next. Play on players.

Leave a comment and...

1. I'll respond with something random about you
2. I'll challenge you to try something
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you
4. I'll tell you something I like about you
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours!!

Attention friends and acquaintances:

The Shins and Belle and Sebastian will be playing at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles one month from now: July 6, 2006 The Year of DBK's Lord.

The concert is 20 bucks and if you came to Tucson it would be about a 6 hour drive (you would have a place to stay in la casa de Pruden/Whitson. Whattaya say?

I think I've come a long way from the fiery, headstrong youth from years past. I wish nobody ill, even those I dislike intensely. Certainly I wish to better myself just as I wish for others to do the same. Prosper and learn, etc.

This, however, makes me angrier than I can even describe. I don't know what I believe, if there's a heaven or hell. I feel like the dogma of organized religion eclipses the undertones of brotherhood/sisterhood and love. I don't know where I stand on all of this and I hope to figure it out at some point in this lifetime but if there is any justice Fred Phelps will suffer a fate worse than anything I could imagine. Creationism, serial killers, and Fred Phelps...I've never been prouder to resign citizenship from Kansas.

I don't use this expression lightly or often: Fuck you, Phelps.



http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060603/ap_on_re_us/ministry_of_hate

(Written on 5/18/06; 3:53 A.M.)

I finished packing about an hour and a half hour ago and watched the last two Scrubs from this season. My empty apartment is reminiscent of every end of the year reflection I've had since freshman year. I like how the carpet looks new, I wonder who lived here before me. and as much as I should be cleaning out my fridge I can't help but think about everything that's happened in this apartment since August. The day I moved in Joslin and I hung up pictures and watched movies until we fell asleep...I wonder how she's doing and if she got into med. school. This moving out is different but it doesn't seem like it, maybe because I've done this every year for the last six years, but the fact that I won't see a lot of these people around here for a long time hasn't started sinking in and I don't know how to feel about that.

For the last ten minutes I've gone back through some of my old entries and laughed, cried, and taken porn breaks about how long ago all that seems. I'm glad I've recorded these moments in this thing, if for nothing else than this reason it helps to waste the time I should be spending disposing of that year-old bottle of Ragu. I've been getting that overwhelming OLD feeling lately, the kind where I'm mostly reminiscent of the good ol' days...although I think THAT'S a result of not wanting to face the reality of bill payment, suitcase packing, etc. I don't think I'd go back...but I'm appreciative for all the memories, most of which are surprisingly clear.

Dave, remember when you got hit in the headwith a baseball and took a picture of that sick bruise?
Keith, remember when we saw Ben Folds in Kansas City?
DBK, the infamous fight with Shamille and stitches?

The more I think about that kind of stuff the more bittersweet this whole process becomes. In the spirit of Dave's departure I will bid my friends adieu:

DBK: What can I say that I haven't already carved into every wall of my closet? I wish we had been this tight when we lived together, but I suppose that's a different vibe altogether. I think you are one of the most genuinely good and cool people I know, and probably one of the smartest (which is often a hilarious compliment to your laziness). I wish you only the best in life and truly look forward to the day that we meet again. You are one I believe I will always keep in touch with.

Keef: Wish we still had that freshman/sophomore year groove but I guess it's also good that we both grew. I have a sense that whatever you do you will be successful, and I think that's probably due to your pickiness...which I believe is a good thing. I really do hope we stay in contact and you find what you're looking for in Europe. One day our paths will cross on a cold, New England sidewalk...a Simon and Garfunkle reunion of sorts.

Neal: I wish we had always been this close...you are one of the most positive, energetic, and coolest people I know, and I am proud to call you a friend. You aim high, you are loyal, and I know that someday I'll be reading about you in some earth-shattering magazine article (I mean that in a good way). Anyone who comes over for me on MCAT night like you did will always have a place in my heart. You, too, will be one I will always stay in touch with and probably be the first person that comes to mind when somebody mentions Omaha in the future. Can't wait for Vegas.

Dave: What a roller-coaster ride it's been. I always wished for another night like the one we had going to the movies, then IHOP, etc. When I think back on summers from Creighton in KC I think of that night. You are a funny son of a bitch, although I feel like we never knew each other all that well for as long as we've known each other (I think even you said that). I hope all of your crazy schemes work out so that I may laugh again, hundreds of miles away, at your sheer luck and deviousness. Cheers to you, sir.

Brethren: Thanks for teaching me how to play Risk and watching Bond with us. I feel like I had the opportunity for good one-on-one time with everyone except you and that is, indeed, a shame. You are a very good guy to know and I hope everything comes up roses for you...I have a feeling it will. Keep on keepin' on, my friend, our paths will cross again. Of that I am sure.

James: I tip my hat to anyone that knows as much about Bond. You are a quiet guy with a lot to say, good at NCAA football for damn sure, and I always wish we could've played golf. Someday, when you are a crazy, millionaire business man and I'm whiling my hours away at a hospital remember that time you lit moonshine on fire for me and I flipped shit with excitement (then drank the moonshine and nearly vomited for an hour). Good luck, good sir.

Dougal: You, too, are a genuinely good and loyal guy (even if you like the Yankees and refuse to admit any problem with baseball). You will find some girl that will drive you crazy and never have to worry about that infamous story again, although it does rock, and so I say ROCK ON because you deserve it. I wish you the best in life and hope we meet again so that I might buy you an appletini (easy on the tini).

BFF: I might miss you most of all. Rarely can you find somebody of the opposite sex with whom you can have such a close and platonic relationship. I really have felt like you were my sister in these last months and really are my best friend. Please don't be nervous about the future, I know you will be successful in your path. Please do call me to talk about Steven, to chat about life, to catch me up on teenage dramadies. Please don't cry when we say goodbye...I'll probably start, too.

Catmoe: I always wish we could've hung out more in the past, distant and recent. I will miss you and always found you to be one of the few truly witty and creative girls I've met at my five years in this city. Good luck with your future...I know we will keep in touch.

Ben Pham: Coolest undergrad I know, for sure. Your off-color comments to DBK always make me laugh and you generally have something intriguing to say, and I really mean that. When you find your niche I feel like you will roll along successfully like the clever son of a gun you are. Please keep me updated on what is going on with you and your compatriots...auf wiedersehen, mein herr.

I feel like I'm leaving a ton of people out, but if I did I probably didn't have a deep history with you, felt like I won't keep in touch with you, or forgot you among the many glass clowns that adorn my apartment and represent my friends. Regardless, know that I will always remember you fondly, time tends to leave only pleasant memories. You represent who I am today, who I have become, and I am proud to know each and every one of you. Keep in touch with me in the future, send me your email addresses and I'll let you know how I did on my test (please wish me luck on that) and send you 'Zona pictures. It's been fun, people, we'll meet in the future.

-Derelict Jordania

For all intents and purposes I feel like my position at this hospital is fairly menial. I am an EKG technician, I appear when people page me, doctors bitch at me, nurses step over me, and Echo techs tend to patronize me. Personally I don't feel as though I play a worthless role in this cast of big wigs...or is that whigs? I am not scruffy pioneer #3 in the chorus of this unending musical, but ultimately I am a peon. This sort of mindset is reinforced by doctors that dump on me during a bad day.

*On a side note, I vow to never treat those below me like some of the doctors here do. On one hand I wonder if every doctor has said that before. On the other I feel like a lot of the kids I went to school with never worked a REAL job in their lives and that sense of entitlement overwhelms the sense of decency to those below them. I'll try not to forget where I came from*

Yesterday I caused a patient serious potential harm. How am I capable of such rampant incompetence? With every EKG performed a doctor must overread it, make notes, and we then transfer it onto computer. Yesterday I entered one incorrectly for a man about to go to surgery. I want to stress that I entered it incorrectly only INITIALLY. I caught my mistake after a minute and reprinted, refaxed, etc. Unfortunately my momentary ineptitude delayed this man's surgery for an hour and great efforts were made to get him into surgery on time. He was fine in the end, but probably inconvenienced.

I suppose I could argue that if the hospital had done their job correctly and faxed the ORIGINAL EKG over I wouldn't have had to drop everything as soon as I arrived to fix that mistake. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't my fault, but really there isn't much room for stupid mistakes with something even as simple as an EKG. After being respectively reprimanded by Dr. Murphy, Angie (my direct manager), and Pam (the manager under her), apologizing about 513 times, and sitting outside alone for what was probably the longest break of my life, I met a man named Dr. John Latenser, no relation to Stevie P. I told him my plans for medical school and the mistake I had made earlier in the day. He sort of laughed and shot that inside joke kind of smile.
"Bet you won't do that again."
"Nope, probably not. But getting bitched at was kind of a rush, who really knows, huh?"
"Well it's a good thing you got it out of the way now. Get used to making mistakes, just try not to make them all yourself."

I met a great nurse yesterday. We walked, and talked, and stumbled along with each other. We sat in a break room and I told her that I was leaving in a week...she had to get back to work, anyway. Yesterday was probably the strangest day I've had in awhile, and makes me wonder if it all happens for a reason. I have Dr. Latenser's number and he told me to call him if I wanted help on admission garbage. Light at the end of a tunnel. I know, now, not to blurt out things like "I'm leaving in a week" when you're on a roll with a crazy cool nurse. A little silver lining from each of my fuck-ups.

I hope to see you all before I leave. In KC for about the next week and back in O-Town from 15th to 18th, packing and sprucing up my summer home. Holla once at me.

Daven left today, or rather tonight, in what is becoming a very ordinary occurrence in my life. I suppose I will join him here in a couple of weeks (not in Yellowstone, but moving out of the Omaha area, although Yellowstone would be pretty rad as well). I wish that kid only the best, also wishing that I had gotten to know him sooner and that I wasn't so busy all the time while he was here. Sometimes I fall asleep thinking about how cool last summer was, spending days at a time with Neal or Drill Man, eating ice cream in the Old Market, enjoying the last hours of freedom before school took its heartwrenching toll on my very being. I feel like, in a few months, I'm going to do the same thing with this short-lived era; missing the mid-day runs or South Park nights with sporadic trips to book stores or coffee shops.
I am going to miss my friends more than I probably realize at this point, because I'm thinking in terms of the future and can't seem to fully grasp the present as it comes hurtling at my face, I suppose that's always been my kick. I've always hated saying goodbye, and that sounds so cliché, but truly I never know if I should hug, have a last lunch, if I should hi-five and call it good, etc. It's been my habit to simply say, "Do Good Things," and give a shitty half-wave...damn my awkwardness.
Assuming I don't come back to Nebraska, and God willing with a little luck on the MCAT I will not, I probably won't see many people here again. Do you ever think about who you'll stay in touch with and who you won't? I used to think that if you were REALLY GREAT FRIENDS you'd stay in touch no matter what, but I'm starting to think that's probably not true. My life is so different from high school in a thousand ways, and most of those people I knew, even my best friends, have gone down their own paths. I think about them, still, and shoot them emails, but out of the dozens I could call real friends I would say I remain in touch with only about 2 or 3 at the most. Hell, look at what's happened with my friends from Creighton. I talk to a good 10 or so on a regular basis and probably a lot less than that after I move. So if we fall off in the upcoming months, years, etc. it's probably a combination of a ridiculously busy workload and a lack of concern, though I'll still keep in touch with the ones that matter.
If I don't see the rest of you that are still here within the upcoming weeks I wish you all luck with everything. If I never see you again shoot me your email address and I'll send you pictures, stories, and life updates until I become entrenched in work and I forget. If nothing else let's have one more Bond night, whattaya say?

Wish me luck, everyone...this is it.

Seriously? A SIMPSONS movie? I think the last time I watched the show was during the Superbowl at DBK's house, and even about 10 minutes of it had me rolling my eyes in recognition that the time of concern is over. Concern may be an overstatement...maybe more frustration that the show has remained on the air about 6 seasons longer than it should have (maybe even 5 as I think freshman year was at least amusing). Never, in my years from 3rd to 12th grade, thought I would utter the words "that show sucks," but here I stand before you, shaking my head...and not in the way we all do when told Trent has, once again, top shelfed the Mai Tai. The days of quotes during passing period are gone, replaced with the interchangeable jokes of Family Guy and social commentary of South Park. I'm not sure if it's funnier in the grand scheme. Each show in its prime, who can say? Maybe my humor has just changed for the absurd but it's just not funny. Why make such a big deal about a show I don't even watch, or about a show at all? Maybe because this show represents the seeds of comedy for me.

In an almost certainly dramatic way I would liken The Simpsons to The Beatles of contemporary comedy. Does anyone else feel me on this? Not that shows before, Night Court, Family Ties, etc., weren't funny, but they were a different brand of comedy. They were a kind of 80s comedy. Without The Simpsons the inspiration behind such greats as Aqua Teen, South Park, and definitely Family Guy would be nonexistent. To keep The Simpsons going is to continue their slow, and painful death and only move me further from the fond memories of seasons 3ish through 10. Maybe we should be glad Lennon/McCartney broke up, because if their music devolved into this equivalent art I wouldn't have wanted to hear it. I'm sure plenty of people could defend The Simpsons, more successfully about 5 years ago, but as I write this I can't think of more than three people I know that watch new Simpsons anymore. 2 more seasons is a long time...I wish FOX would let the Stones retire.

Better version of the song "Every Day":

James Taylor or Buddy Holly?

I don't enjoy standardized tests...although I suppose I'd be hard-pressed to find somebody who really does. I have always performed average or below and I never feel it is an accurate representation of my potential. I dislike the fact that my ability to discern Electric Field lines and organic amine reactions will determine where I can study medicine. I don't enjoy remaining stagnant in my test scores and reviewing the stupid mistakes I make (although I suppose it's better I review them now for practice than wait to do so on the real thing). At some point along this Kaplan path you are expected to make a large jump in score, an increase of 4-5 points or higher. At the moment my score has increased a single point and it's becoming frustrating. I have one month before the actual test and I feel nervous for the first time. It's not often I question my abilities, at least as far as academics have gone, but I feel genuinely nervous for the next month. If I don't achieve my "ideal score" I can always retake the test in August but that would mean dropping out of either my research position or part-time hospital job for the summer, and it wouldl likely be research as that's not the paying gig. So I sit now, reviewing this 214 question clusterfuck and dreaming for a day when I can sleep in past 8 and find time to read a good book.

For anyone interested: Bond movie this monday is "Thunderball," thanks to Dougal. Also did anyone see that new South Park with Chef? Feel kind of bad for Issac Hayes but Scientology is ridiculous (although I suppose only slightly more ridiculous than most organized religious ideology).

Final note: V for Vendetta is OUTstanding. Besides Natalie Portman's impressive ability to pull off the shaved head look I truly wonder if people understand the political undertones or even care. Less than two months, my friends.

I wish I had time for this kind of thing more often. I just watched About A Boy, drank an appletini (my sister needs to work on her martinis...but not too shabby all in all), and chilled in Aggieville for a day. I really enjoy that movie...it elicits a slew (SLU) of emotions that have no name. I feel like the Inuits would have a word to describe what I'm feeling right now: sort of simultaneously excited, nervous, melancholy about the immediate future...nervous in the sense that I have some vague idea of what's to come but really it's less concrete than I'd like and probably much more difficult than I imagine. I've always been that way though, wishing to know every angle before I jump in. Maybe this whole uncertainy thing is good for me, then...my dad would tell me it will make me stronger and build a better character for me.

Hanging out with Phil and Rita last night was a sort of bipolar experience...almost like the end of my undergrad days. The final sands of the hourglass dropping out as I polished off several margaritas and a watered down white russian at the Salty Lip. That really sounds more melodramatic than I'd like it to be, and I'd change it but when I read it I get a real "Wizard of Oz," locked in the tower, feeling and I'd liek to hang onto that. I suppose I'm beginning to realize how soon it is I'll be leaving, though the full effect probably won't hit until I start packing up. You'd like to think you'll keep in touch with everyone but you can see how well that works out after less than even a year. I think you hold onto the ones that mean the most to you and the rest sort of fade away with high school and dip-n'-dots (ice cream of the future my ass). All in all that night off, away from study and stress, was good for me. I made decent conversation with the waitress/bartender serving us. We talked about Kansas City and that giant fountain the middle of the plaza, who defaced it, what you'd do with a statue head from 1650. I bought her a drink and she asked if I lived around here or if I came down often. Had I more wits about me I would've said "yes" and made some attempt to exchange numbers instead of a half-sincere hand squeeze and kiss on the cheek. Eh, who am I kidding? That was 94% sincere and 100% a result of her weak-ass white russian. If I wanted skim milk I would've gone over to Aldy's and gotten it myself. Which I also did.

I went to a bookstore today and bought some Chuck Palahniuk and Nick Hornby. Every time I pick up one of those things I feel like a dolt...like I should be reading BARbauld or Johnathan Swift. The Creighton English department did their job. I hope this subsquent year brings more interesting things to talk about because at the moment my life is about as exciting as Justin Johns in a lightsaber battle with William Slattery. Wait...I meant 1000 times LESS cool. I think a change, in general, would be good for me. Two months to go.

Also happy Birfday Pelite. I think I've utilized about every internet-based source to wish you one; next comes the singing mattmeeks-gram. Just wait for your present...I won't give anything away but it's not not a surprise visit from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

Out of semi-boredom and just for a laugh down the road, I have been writing down my hilarious and ridiculous hospital experiences. Most of the time my job is pretty mundane: a lot of sitting around, getting paged every hour or so, sometimes free lunch. Within the last month I've had some head-shaking experiences that I would just love to share.

This last Thurs. I was doing EKGs around 6:30ish, tip-toeing around darkened rooms, and trying not to wake patients up as I typically do that early in the morning. Each day I have a set of routine EKGs, which are EKGs ordered in the middle of the night when respiratory (who works when our offices close down) can't get to them for a good 2 hour stretch. So my final routine of the day takes me to the ICU, where a 96-year-old woman is sleeping soundly on her bed. Keep in mind this is a fairly dark room and, not wanting to wake her up, proceeded to do my EKG via hall lights. So she's hooked up, I return to my machine, and lo and behold I get no beat. I asked the charge nurse what was up and, sure enough, she had died about two hours before I entered the room. No cover, no rose on the door, but I did get a half-hearted apology as the nurse asked "was she cold?" Well she wasn't while we were spooning 10 minutes ago but let me go check again. What the hell kind of question is that? Not that I didn't appreciate three nurses watching me enter the room and administer an EKG on a deceased woman without saying anything, but I wasn't exactly feeling her forehead for a fever so if I'm not sure if she's "sub-93 degrees" ease up.

Later on that day I was taking a kid to x-ray, probably 11 or so, for a gash in his big toe, a gash that came as a result of watching TV in his living room when the chandelier came crashing down on the ottoman where he was resting his right foot. No broken bones, no glass, but a bit of blood and a cool-ish story for girls. Only girls with boobs, by the way, because this kid had some lofty standards and shared them with me as we walked. I don't remember 11 all that well (is that 5th grade?), but I can't believe I ever listed boobs as criteria for girls I dug. For that matter did I dig girls when I was 11? Either way that picture of his bike he showed me is sure to get him some come the skating party.

That's all I've got, now. Dave & Buster's was cool, likewise the Mai Tai Lounge. Too bad Dave is gone, one more cool person takes off and the midwest is that much less shallow. We'll miss ya, Dave-o.

Nothing like a walk down memory lane to make you feel old. I wish I could spend a good week in Sophomore year, although I know I've edited a lot of the crappier times out and I couldn't forget what I know now. I guess half the fun was the innocence of it all. Still...not where I pictured myself after graduation. Anyone feel me on this? I kind of like this unknown, though, and moving away is going to be amazing on so many levels. Here's to the next step, and extremely lame posts about nothing in particular.

Applying for jobs...Sears, restaurants, etc. was cake next to this whole Med. School thing. How do I sell myself to a group of people that have been doing this for 30 years? In high school it wasn't an issue of "am I qualified to sell tractors?" Really, what the hell is a 17-year-old kid qualified to do? Afterschool job...not tricky. Trying to convince a group of attendings that I'll pass boards, get licensed, won't fail, won't kill somebody, and that I have a deep desire to do this is tough.

Why do I want to do this and not nursing? Why do I want to be a doctor? How do I answer all of these things without sounding pretentious or cliche? I don't know if I'm smart enough to pass M1 year...I don't know what to compare against. I THINK I'm qualified for it. I really want to do this. I don't want to have to tell my life story and end up writing some entrance essay that sounds like 1000 others to be thrown in a pile with all of the other "thanks, you're good but we'll call you" pile.

I need a very short break from this. If anyone wants to chill sometime this weekend, even for just an hour or two...dinner or something...give me a call. Superbowl too? Eh? Go...Bengals.

Those were the first two questions posed to me by my boss when I told her I was exposed to TB (tuberculosis) at work. I think a lawsuit wasn't even an idea to me until she began to insinuate ignorance on my part, that I failed to read the signs on the door or didn't get proper clearance. I assured her that I probably wouldn't do anything unless something permanent were to occur or it affected any future plans (Tucson, MCAT, half-marathon, etc.). She seemed suspicious that it was still, somehow, my fault and is going to "investigate the matter further."

Essentially it went down like so: I go to do an EKG in this guy's room, attempt to print off a report, my machine is broken b/c my boss (the same one who blamed the doctor's incompetence on me) won't buy a new one, so I go to redo it. As I'm leaving the room a nurse comes by,

Frantic Nurse: "Hey, EKG"
Bumbling Technician: "Yo."
FN: "You've just been exposed to TB. Apparently the doctor knew but he didn't tell any of us. Were you in close contact with him?"
BT: "I dunno...how close?"
FN: "Well, he didn't try to kiss you or anything, right? So I'd guess..."
BT: "I guess HE didn't try to kiss ME..."
FN: [look of annoyance] "Go to Occupation Health and fill out an incident report"

Unfortunately the line down there was long enough that it would've been an hour wait for a TB test and I had to get to Creighton for lab. By the way, Orgo II lab as a graduate is almost as bad as potentially having TB. As of right now I have no idea if I have contracted TB from what I thought was a harmless 94-year-old makeout, but if I do I think I have some time to treat it before it becomes fatal. In the meantime...who wants to make out?

Does anybody have or know where I can get GoldenEye, the DVD...not the video game, for under 15 bucks? If someone has it I can burn it or just let me know where it would be for a relatively cheap price. I cannot find the damn thing ANYWHERE.

So having not much to do as far as classes this semster is going to be radical...attempting to pay that final bill will not. I remember about a year and a half ago, waiting for just one month with nothing to do but wait for letter of acceptance/rejection seemed far away. That era seems roughly 6 months away (minus the time I'll need to get shit together for application which is a huge headache in itself). At this point I look at the monstrous amount of material I'll need to study for the MCAT, 3 months and 22 days away, and hyperventilate. My birthday is either going to be the sweetest ever or the most regrettable...to follow suit with the other 22 thus far. I wish more people were around anymore...

I tried to take my groceries in the other day, when it was pouring rain. I raced in, drenched with coldish rain (better than sticky rain of summer quality), but satisfied that my eggs made it without a scratch...when I return to get the milk: no rain. Nothing. As I'm leaving this place to avoid the ridiculous winters and we seem not to be having one this year I can only shake my head at the luck of the Whitson. I'm not going to miss scraping ice off of my car or slipping on the mall (which was better with the original brick).

Bor those who don't know, I'm moving to Tucson after I get back from the D.R. in June and working in a lab at U of A. I plan to be there for about a year and live with Trenton, as well as his parrot, and study Steptomyacin Resistance in Rats and Mice while working at a hospital and potentially taking a class or two. On the parrot note I would like to add that I am scared shitless of all winged creatures (bugs included to some degree). Seriously, there's not much more terrifying than being woken up at 3 in the morning to a couple of birds dive bombing my head. This was my life from about 16 to 18 when my sister bought those damn finches and left the cage open nightly (I think I did a little victory dance when the damn things finally died about 2 years ago). I'm planning on bringing my cat, Lil' Bit with me and introducing the two. In reality I think Lil' Bit is too fat and declawed to do any real damage to anything, but I suppose we shall see what sort of bird hunter she can be come June.

At any rate I hope to see most of you again and I'm sure I will before I go. For the most part this semester will be spent studying (hey, a lot like the last one) so I won't be much of anywhere but the library (again...). Usually I can tell a lot about my year from the New Year's Eve and thus it will be awkward and smelling of feces. Excellent...I'm off to buy some running shoes and study Organic Chemistry that I haven't even looked at for about 3 years. Goody Gumdrops.